“I Haunt You, You Haunt Me” in Outlook Springs 4

New story published in Outlook Springs Issue 4. Grab a copy here:

Outlook Springs 4

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On Divorce

There’s really something to be said about this couple.

Picture this: they’re about to get divorced.

The house is filled with mutual friends one last time.

The living room becomes a courtroom.

They’re splitting up their Beanie Babies.

It’s devastating.

I picture the guy just being like,

Fine, you can keep the lobster and the jellyfish, but I’m taking the flamingo.

He says it like he’s pissed off.

He wants the goddamn jellyfish.

He wants the goddamn lobster.

He knows she wants them too and so he’ll settle for the flamingo.

Don’t get him wrong; the flamingo would make him happy.

He loves the flamingo.

Shit, now he’s feeling guilty about treating the flamingo like it wasn’t the primo-shit.

The flamingo is primo-shit.

That just goes to show you how fucked all of this has gotten.

 

-originally printed in eek!

The Devil is a Schoolboy

The Devil sent me flowers. Or at least I think it was him. He’s been following me for weeks trying to get my attention. He keeps slipping notes into my bag, and I find little heart shapes cut from Bible pages under my pillow. He tries to read text messages over my shoulder. He found my blog and once he figured out I liked Victorian Lit he got a passage from Wuthering Heights tattooed on his arm. One day, he will pin me down and try to take my soul. I’ll look into his eyes, tell him I love him, and rip out his spinal column.